For the last few days, I have wanted to blog but have been unable to find the words. I will probably find myself confessing some things that will bring criticism while others will find that they can relate.
For most of my life, I have struggled with something. Earlier in life, it was more difficult to hide. Now, I can mask it with some humor and other diversions. Still, behind closed doors, the struggle exists. Many days are great, but others can be very unbearable. It took me a long time to admit this to anyone, but I now use it as a tool to help others. That thing I fought so hard to hide is anxiety and depression.
I know some of the extremely spiritual folks who read this might be scrambling through to see how they can fix me or maybe how I should fix myself with some good old-fashioned repentance. For those who have studied it medically, they understand the truth of chemical imbalance and how depression raises its ugly head at the weirdest times. I am thankful that I experience very few extremely low seasons, but they still come. It doesn’t matter how intense media prayers become or how many verses I quote and even scream, it still exists.
Maybe you are experiencing a dark season of life. People are telling you that you must be disobeying God in some way – lack of faith, prayer, Bible study, church attendance, etc. But you know that you are fighting through and being obedient to God and still have this dark cloud over you. When you can’t form the words, Romans 8 says that the Holy Spirit can make sense of it all.
Don’t feel guilty for this! Take this from someone who knows: you will arise from these ashes! God is your Deliverer! This is not the way you would choose, but He will use your depression to help others. Don’t waste this hardship! Use it to God’s glory!