Some Time Alone (Communication in Relationships)

For the first time in a little while, my wife and I got to enjoy dinner alone. My oldest 3 spent time with my mom while the baby spent time with my mother in law. A huge thank you to both! These ladies love their grandchildren (and us too).

I was telling my wife how nice it was to be out with just her. She looked at me and told me how she doesn’t need that time because she is such a people person. I love spending time with people, but I enjoy when she and I can simply enjoy the company of each other without children. I personally need a little bit of alone time, and I communicated that to her verbally. No guess work necessary!

Many marriages struggle because one of both parties are poor communicators. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Talk! Talk about your joys, sorrows, irritations, expectations. Verbalize your appreciation for the other. Let it be positive not just negative. If something is on your mind, talk to the other person before you go getting counseling from people who have no business knowing the more intimate details of your life. Ask questions rather than jumping to conclusions. Say what you mean.
  2. Listen! God gave you two ears and one mouth. Hence, we should listen more than we speak. Listen to what is not being said as much as you are what is being said. Be caring enough about the other person that you know when he or she is struggling. Communication is both verbal and non-verbal.
  3. Seek counsel if necessary! I recommend someone who is trained in this area. Some pastors will admit that they are not the best in this area. If one or the other is emotionally constipated, there is nothing like a counseling laxative.
  4. Let God guide the relationship! Many relationships fail because Christ is nowhere near it. The relationship is about what makes one or the other happy. What about honoring God and the other above self? A relationship without Christ as the foundation is a setup for failure.

Alone time is more than just “intimate relations”. Kevin Leman said it well in his book “Sex Begins in the Kitchen”. He explains the way to spice up the bedroom is to have intimacy in other areas of life. Set some time aside sooner rather than later to share your heart with your spouse.

My wife made my evening when she said, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” She knows I’m a visionary, so I said what I Envision. She lives in the moment, but it thrilled me for her to ask. These moments mean more than you think. Make communication a priority.

12 thoughts on “Some Time Alone (Communication in Relationships)

  1. This is such great advice on marriage. I have been wondering lately if my husband was upset with me about our previous arguments. I felt like he was turning away from me. I decided to talk with him about these feelings, and I couldn’t have been more wrong! It made me so happy to know he has no bad or sad feelings in his heart for me at all. I was just imagining it. I assumed, which I should never do.

  2. Awesome Matt. Really good advice, thanks for sharing.

    The wife and I were in a long distance relationship for 18 months before she came to Australia so we spent a lot of time talking. This really helped us with your number one and two points. So important.

    A really good post.

  3. Completely agree with the need for alone time. My one word of caution, as I have found myself falling into this, protecting ‘my’ time to the exclusion of other things. As I get busier, the attraction of the alone time increases. I must be mindful of my motives; when I am, the Holy Spirit never lets me down in this regard!

  4. I am also a planner and it can be so difficult because one can never truly know what to expect! I love that you and your wife can embrace your differences and love each other for the characteristics that you guys embody! Blessings!

  5. Love this Matthew! As a counselor it breaks my heart to see so many couples stress out their relationship when a simple gesture or comment spoken in love could change the moment quickly. Fear usually keeps us from voicing our feelings, while some would rather hurt inside than hurt someone they care about.

    I guess experience and Scripture are the best teachers. People are not mind- readers and terminology is sometimes different to each one as well. No one likes confrontation or being criticized for their thoughts. That’s probably the major reason couples shut down. Learning to take it to the Lord and having him bring Scripture to mind turns away a great deal of wrath and provides wisdom. Great post once again! Blessings back,

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