I found this hilarious. I have dealt with several committees, and their perception of candidates can be quite interesting.
Pastoral Search Committee Report
The committee thanks everyone who suggested candidates for this position. We have followed up on each one. Here is our report:
Adam: Good man but has problems with his wife.
Noah: Prone to unrealistic building projects.
Joseph: Obnoxious braggart with a prison record.
Moses: Has a speech impediment and a bad temper. Rumored to have left an earlier position over a murder charge.
David: Had an affair with a married woman, then had her husband bumped off and used the power of his office to avoid charges.
Solomon: Good preacher, but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.
Elijah: Bad temper, prone to depression and occasional suicidal tendencies.
Hosea: Good man, but our people could never handle his wife’s profession.
Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things.
Isaiah: Claims to have seen angels in church.
Jonah: Refused God’s call until after he’d been swallowed…
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