Coming Out of Silence

Not many pastors or people in ministry can be honest about how they really feel. I choose to unload it on my blog. Some may say that is not wise. Others have commented on how refreshing it is. All I know is I found a voice that was stifled, and it came out by way of divorce and counseling. I found a healthy form of authenticity that has opened doors for personal ministry that would have otherwise been possible.

For the last several weeks, my attention was turned a different direction. I had been in contact with a church in the area about a position that would have necessitated a miracle, but I investigated this open door. I met some really great people and experienced some things I would not have experienced without this opportunity. It was the most unusual interview process. Halfway through, I sensed that I was not a good fit. Nevertheless, I wanted to make sure it was not personal insecurity speaking. When I sat down with the chairman of the committee, it was a refreshingly honest and professional discussion. It is a great ministry, and I know God will send the right person in His time. It still leaves me with this one question – How do I fit into God’s kingdom work at this stage of life?

This season has tested my willingness. I drove 3 1/2 hours once to preach with no idea of how God would take care of expenses. He took care of everything. While churches are gracious to give a small financial contribution, I have found greater joy in going where I knew the church could not provide compensation or would not. I discovered how much I had bought into the professional ministry mentality that my experience and training was worth a certain dollar amount. Honestly, it amounts to a student loan debt that I will never live to pay. Another honest statement – the early disciples were mightily used of God and some had no education. I am not putting a premium on ignorance, but nothing beats learning directly from God.

Another bump in the road has been a virus that was passed around the home. It has lingered with me for nearly 2 weeks. It forced me to slow down and rethink some things. I don’t have much figured out at this point. I do know that I don’t want to miss God’s open doors while I’m creating different ones in my mind.

I still know that these are in my heart:

But I also know that passion does not always equal calling. This may be a totally different season, and I’m missing the big picture. I asked for your continued prayers. Many of you have been reading this stuff faithfully for the last 3 1/2 years and have encouraged me more than you’ll ever know. When all is said and done, I just want to know that I have done God’s will for my life.

11 thoughts on “Coming Out of Silence

  1. I like how you’ve thought about this, seeking the right place for you. It’s going to pay off, you keep seeking the Lord in this…that’s the best way to deal with not having a clear-cut direction as you know. 🙂 I’m sure something will open up for you, I pray you find the answers you are seeking soon!

  2. G’day and and thanks for sharing your thoughts during this season.

    Have you got good Godly people that you can be accountable to and bounce stuff off in regards to this stuff in person? Nothing beats that, especially when we are in a new season.

    Peace to you

  3. I wrestle too with the uncertainty of my place in the story God is telling. I am a divorced woman, and no theological training to boot. You can’t get more “unfit” for ministry in many people’s minds. However God keeps putting me in positions to use my giftings. I wrestle with unworthiness, but its more a lack of faith in what God can do along with the faulty belief that its me doing the work instead of Him. I also wrestle with what I feel passionate about and whether that equates to a “calling”. Big difference. If God’s not behind it, I don’t want to step out in my flesh. But I also don’t want to disqualify myself for things God puts before me to do.

  4. Pastor this is the first time I have had opportunity to see and hear you preach in these few years I’ve known you here on wp. I love the way you preach, your style your obvious sincerity, and the message you chose to share in this video. It is timeless and so accurate! I wish you were near to where I live. Your love for God, your love for people, but most of all how sincere you are in all these characteristics, is above many preachers I have known in all these years. I am so sorry to know you are still going through the furnace of affliction. I can only believe that according to the good Lord’s purpose for you requires the work He is doing in you. And I have the greatest confidence that you are up to the task by your willingness to continue in such great faith in our Lord and Savior. I know and I believe that the Lord our God has something very special He is leading you toward, and even now, is working into you. I already see much of that work already completed in what I witnessed of you in this short video. So, Pastor, you have my continuing prayers doubled down, and asking the good Lord to give you a respite from the the hard work He is working in you, that in His great mercy, He would be pleased to let you rest awhile in His arms by providing an oasis in the desert, that you may greatly be strengthened through rest from the fire, for whatever He has in store for your great blessing to come. He will honor your great fortitude and trust in Him, which is so strong. I know the Lord will bless you for your fortitude in your service to Him and more, your great Love for Him and His people. The Lord bless you, Pastor Matthew!! -g.w.

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